Gone

My mother has been gone eighteen years. "Gone." It makes it sound as if she went down to the store to get cigarettes and just didn't come back. She is dead. She died, this night, eighteen years ago, at 9:55 PM.

I miss her. For the longest time, when her passing was so new, so fresh, I would automatically reach for the phone to call her, to tell her about my day. It broke my heart every time when I would realize what I was doing, that she would not answer the phone, that my Dad was the only one at home to hear the ringing.

But what makes me more sad than me missing her, is knowing what she has missed and the things she will miss.

She has missed the maturity and growth into womanhood of her two granddaughters. Both of them have traveled extensively and she would have loved to have heard, first hand, of their adventures. She would be so proud of their respective accomplishments in their careers. They each have wonderful friends whom she would have loved as well.

She missed her eldest granddaughter finding the love of her life. She missed their wedding. She will miss the birth of her first great grandson.

And we miss her. RIP C.C.Pill

That's all I want to say for now.